Is it normal to have get even feelings?
It is probably abnormal not to have those feelings–that would be where hell hath no fury like a woman scorned originated. You will go through these feelings and release them. Accept that and you will get through it. The scorned woman is a scripted role of anger and vengeance. Who will be the woman scorned; you or the Other Woman (OW)? You get to choose.
Why and how could a woman do this to another woman? How can she be so selfish, cruel and uncaring? Doesn’t she see what she’s doing? Doesn’t she care who she is hurting?
Men are creatures of honour; they believe in a fighting equals and refuse an unfair fight–there are rules in warfare. For women, the battlefield is love. A woman’s war is without rules; the weaker the adversary, the better. A woman waits for her opponent to fall so she can kick her or for her to turn away so she can insert a knife in her back. OWs will show you no mercy.
OWs obsess about the wife. They are jealous and afraid of you. But does she care that she is hurting you? More often than not, No. She is too focused on her own selfish needs and on the lies the MLCer has told about you. She believes that you deserve this–so No, she doesn’t care that she is hurting you. Let her obsess about you; let her become jealous and controlling.
Projecting negatively onto the OW is toxic to you. I know you don’t want to understand or forgive her and you want her to rot in hell. I know from my own experience that projecting hatred is more poisonous to the projector than the object of projection. You don’t have to like the OW or be her friend, but projecting negative hatred energy onto her keeps you stuck. You will know you are making progress when you feel indifferent toward her and are without the energy of emotion.
You have the home, kids and history as well as legal and moral support. As the wife, you are the one with the power.
But my husband is living with her. Doesn’t that mean that she now has the power?
Yes, if you act and believe it does. So act and believe in your power and you will be in your power. The OW expects you to follow script and become weak when she is in possession. By not sticking to script she reverts to her lower-status disempowered role.
Give them freedom to ruin their relationship. One of the greatest sources of OW power is a confrontationally angry or desperate spouse. If you fail to give freedom and instead beg and plead, and pressure and guilt him, you become pathetic, which empowers the OW. If you stalk or threaten your MLCer or the OW, she may be scared for her safety, but will feel more secure in her relationship with your husband. And she should, who wants to me married to Psycho-Bitch? She becomes his comfort and protection from you, his crazy spouse. The OW is validating and comforting him and rescuing him from a bad marriage. Desperate actions from you increase his attraction to the OW and the fantasy. She won’t need to become jealous and controlling since you’re doing that for her.
The stronger you are in the face of a full-blown public affair, the weaker she will be, the more controlling she will become and the more she will pressure him. Let her invade his space, let her become jealous and controlling, let her become pathetic, and best of all let her bad-mouth you to him. This will eventually put him in a position where he feels the need to defend you which will frighten the OW even more and she will sink lower into her destructive behaviours.
It is logical that OW’s are controlling and jealous. Why shouldn’t they be? They choose men whom they can’t deny are cheaters. The relationship needs to come to a place where the OW herself feels she is winning and can thus let down her guard. If you trust the process of MLC and that infidelity does not yield secure relationships, you will not be fooled.