If the answer to this title is in the affirmative then you are definitely going through a tough phase. Being the ignored angle in an extra-marital affair is not a pleasant situation to be in. Shock, disbelief, lies and betrayal – the emotions are all mixed up. In short you are shattered. Your world has come crashing down and you just can not figure out how to go past this phase of emotional upheaval.
First, take a deep breath
Make yourself a steaming cup of coffee. Tuck yourself in the favorite corner of your house. If kids or parents are around, walk up to the nearest beach or public park. Choose a cozy corner or a bench but make sure it's not a secluded spot. Now do a reality check. Do you want to save your marriage? Do you want to dump your spouse? Is your self-respect denied? What about the future of the children? How is your relationship with your spouse now? Getting over your spouse's affair needs a lot of patience, strength and perseverance. So how do you start?
Get out of the scene
Visit your parents for a week. Do not take the kids along. It's not necessary to acquit them right now about this new development in your life but a change of scene will help you get clarity on the issue. It's a painful period and not having the spouse around may start the healing process.
Take leave from work
It's obvious that your emotional quotient is at rock bottom. You are definitely not in the mood to socialize and possibly you have lost interest in work. It's natural to feel traumatic. Take a break from work. Otherwise you might end up with unnecessary fights and poor productivity. Your personal life is already in a mess. Do not allow it to spill over at your work place.
Talk to a friend
Confide in a close friend. Talking about a problem vents out the anger, frustration and helplessness. Ask for advice. Alternately see a counselor to get your emotional life in order. Talking to people will not put you in bad light. Your spouse had an extra-marital affair, you did not.
Now, once you are past this phase you might be ready to take the problem head on. If you've decided to let go off your spouse, fine. But in case you want to rebuild your maritime relationship with the same person all over again there's some more work to be done.
Find out why your spouse strayed. What exactly was missing in your marriage? Talk to your spouse and address the issue collectively. Be upfront about the extra-marital affair.
Work on trust
Re-structuring a fractured relationship is not easy. Do not try to fall in love immediately. Work on trust. Do not snoop around your spouse. Do not check phone bills or emails.
See a marriage counselor
The extra-maritime affair has created cracks in your marriage. Get professional help. A third person will give you a neutral opinion of the current status of your marriage and your spouse. Beside, professional help always works faster and effectively.