There is a lot of confusing information on why people cheat, or why the cheaters will not leave their wives or husbands permanently a long affair or multiple affairs (but believe me, one day they will if the 'circumstances are right'!), or how to get the husband back. Let's try and dissipate the clouds and the confusion. The following article is for either cheaters, cheated or even mistresses. I do not judge. There is always a reason why people do what they do.
First of all, do not become the type of wife or husband who takes back your cheating spouse without he / she is willing to go to therapy for a very long time. No matter what you do, if she / he chose to cheat as a response to his emotional quest, it'll be the more likely thing he / she'll do again when those emotional triggers rise again. You can not become a superwoman or a superman nor should you. I will give you an example of a famous couple to make my point clear. Mel Gibson – who had many children with his life-long wife – had many affairs yet his wife stood by him through thick and thin; she seemed to have supported him through his career. They seemed to have a rock-solid marriage despite everything. She could have been forgiven for thinking that their marriage was stronger than ever. But yet … one day, Mel Gibson walked out on this wonderful wife and large family. He had an affair with a young, super-attractive woman and I believe they are now together; one thing is for sure: Mel and former wife are no longer together. Yet, she spent a lifetime by his side. Yet, she probably has qualities that no other woman easily can offer. So do not sleep complacently thinking oh, my cheating husband / wife has got it now and he / she'll never cheat again. Without he / she has completely resolved what's missing (either inside the marriage or inside her / himself), this will take place all over again. Maybe when the children are grown up. Maybe next year. Do not be complacent.
Ok, now to the reason why people cheat in the first place:
1 – it's a short-term gratification that they have become addicted to (these are the multiple cheaters); it's become their main source of validation (to prove they still have 'it).
2 – they are seeking something – they do not know what it is – and trying to feel the void that nothing else seems to fill, not even your marriage.
Both above reasons require therapy. Extensive therapy, by a psychologist, not a counselor. Someone who can help them 'dig deep' to understand who they are, what they want from life, what they want from love. It's serious work. They need to go alone and then, if you like, you 2 can go together. But they need to do the work alone.
So, if they cheat, why do not you leave their wives or husbands immediately? Two reasons
1 – they are users and do not want to lose what they 'get' from the first relationship (security, a life-long friend, support, etc)
2 – they are afraid that the new relationship will not last
Either suggests suggest that it's nothing to do with you. It's, again, about them. It's about what's in it for them. Do not fool yourself that oh, they love you so much and that's why they will not leave you. They put things on the scales and decide that they do not want to run the risk of 'losing' what they have for a 'gamble'. Pure and simple.
Of course, they could just be using the mistress or lover for short-term gratification so that's an obvious reason why they will not leave their wives.
Again, therapy is required. I would never stay with a man who's refused to go to therapy after any of the above history.
A relationship can only last if it's based on THESE SOLID CRITERIA that only few relationships really meet and, even then, both people need to be at the emotional and psychological stage where they understand and value those criteria and have chosen that it's what they want.