Unfortunately infinity in marriage is all too common. Current statistics show between 15 to 20% of long-term relationships have experienced an affair. It is also unfortunate that the social taboo surrounding affairs makes it difficult for the cheated / injured party to come to terms realistically with what has happened in their marriage.
Healing from an affair does not just happen when the cheater says they are sorry. Often the injured party will feel that they are responsible for the affair their spouse had, with this comes emotions that can get in the way of healing the relationship. The most common are as follows:
It is understandable to be jealous, after all the person you love most and who is closest to you in every way, has chosen to spend their time and feelings with someone else. They are sharing secrets and doing 'things'. You can not help but wonder were they sharing and doing things that were never shared with you? Is the other person better looking or better in bed than you are? This kind of thinking will make you sick, literally. Remember, until you come to terms with your feelings do not act up them. Revenge will not get your marriage back on track.
Before finding out about the affair your spouse and relationship with them was most likely something you count on to always be there for you. Now that your support system is gone, your trust has been violated to the point that you may feel you will never trust again. Thankfully trust can be regained specifically if both parties are sincere. In the mean time take a long look at the rest of your life and make a list of all there is that you can count on. If you're stuck start with the obvious, like the sun will rise in the east tomorrow, water will come from the faucet when you turn it. Refer to your list often and build on it.
First you have to understand that you did not cause the affair, your spouse did, they made the bad decision and acted upon it. If your relationship was really so awful that your spouse could not stand it why did not they speak up instead of acting out? Since it is not their fault there is no reason for the injured to feel shame about their spouses affair. Sure, people will find out about it but most will not really care. They've got their own problems. Mostly what we think other people are saying about us is just in our own heads.
Remember it takes both of you to make a successful relationship or only one of you to break it. As long as both you and your partner are dedicated to rebuilding the relationship there is always hope. Imagine that your relationship is like the most beautiful, luxurious vehicle you could ever own; without gasoline it just will not work. Hope is the fuel for your marriage, loose it and you're going now.
Dealing with an infidelity in marriage will be one of life's greatest challenges for most that it happens to. Getting caught up with negative emotions can only hinder your efforts to heal from an affair.