Your husband’s emotional affair may have been something you found out about last week, or it could have been a few months now since you heard. Undoubtedly, the emotional shock to your system upon learning the news was probably as terrible as anything you have ever experienced. Being hit with that kind of news can feel like a thunderbolt right to your stomach.
Most women in your situation feel extremely conflicted. On the one hand, what your husband did was very real and in a sense unforgivable. How could he go off and fall in love or become infatuated with another woman?
At the same time, though, you have a long history with your husband. You still love him, and you do not want to throw your entire marriage away over this. Hence the conflict you are feeling.
If you are wondering how to forgive and forget your husband’s emotional affair, here are 5 tips that can help:
1. Deal with the emotions you are already feeling:
Women who have been in your shoes have reported every feeling in the negative emotional spectrum, from devastation and shock to anxiety, anger, helplessness and fear. Some wives have been known to actually hyperventilate or have panic attacks upon hearing the news.
The important thing at this stage is to accept those emotions as being very valid, very real. In a sense, they are as real as any physical thing. So, do not discount your emotions. Let them pass over you like waves. Eventually, those waves will start to calm down.
2. Replace the negative images running through your mind with healing ones:
It is very common to entertain all kinds of thoughts and fantasies about the nature of their affair. You may be tempted to try to imagine the kinds of conversations they had. Or, you may wonder if he took her to your favorite restaurants or meeting places. How could he have done that?
While these types of images and thoughts are very normal to experience, it is important to stop playing them like a movie in your mind: you have full control over that little movie projector in your head! Replace those images with healing ones, such as those that show how you and your husband will be once you get past this mess and have restored trust to your relationship again.
3. Let go of the idea that he may love her more than you:
The thing that probably gets to you most is the idea that he may actually love her more than you. The truth is, he may have been experiencing some intense feelings for her, but they did not necessarily amount to love. And, it is highly unlikely that he ever came to love her anywhere nearly as deeply or in the same way that he loves you. If your husband is willing to end the emotional affair and stay with you, that is proof he loves you infinitely more.
4. Stop questioning whether he ever loved you in the first place:
Similarly, you may also be questioning whether your husband EVER loved you. And, that is natural, too. After all, if he had loved you, he would not have done this, right? Fortunately, that is just not true. Even very loving people can make terrible decisions. Your husband slipped up in a big way, but he loved you then as he loves you now.
5. Understand that this does not have to mean the end of your relationship:
While the news of this affair may have hit you like a train, it does not have to mean the end of your relationship. Furthermore, you do not have to settle for a relationship that sweeps all of this under the rug and tries to forget it ever happened. Instead, you can find true love again with your husband.
Take these 5 tips into account as you get onto the path of forgiveness. You CAN get back to being in a loving, trusting relationship with your husband after his emotional affair.