You've checked your spouse's phone or text messages and found those messages indicate more than a platonic friendship with someone else. You may wonder if they've had a physical affair, or fear that it may happen in the near future.
It can be very tempting to check your spouse's messages, and very easy to do when they're not around. However you should always consider whether it's the right thing to do.
When that line is crossed between a platonic, career related friendship and a close, intimate relationship, you may feel one or more of the following emotions:
1. Guilt: You may feel that you've violated your partners trust by going behind their back to check their personal phone, text, or email messages.
2. Grief: Your spouse is sharing an intimate connection – whether that be emotional, sexual, or both – with someone else.
3. Resentment: Your partner seems to have given up on your relationship and instead of making it better, he or she is pursuing another relationship.
4. Disregard: This usually manifests itself when the majority of conversations with your spouse become common, boring, and predictable – for example talking about things that need to be done around the house, grocery shopping, etc.
5. Protective: When your spouse becomes angry with you for violating his / her privacy by going through his / her personal items, this can make you defensive.
Very often, if you accuse your spouse of cheating on you when you do not have any proof, they may say "We're just friends."
But what if the affair is beyond just emotional, what if your spouse is having a physical relationship with another person? Even if your spouse denies having a physical relationship with someone else despite your suspicions, how can you know the truth? Unfortunately, unless they admit it, there's no way to know for sure. However, I can say that one of the signs of an affair is that you experience much less, if any, intimacy in your marriage. The first step to getting over the affair is for the spouse to admin he / she is having at least an emotional affair. Once you admit the problem instead of ignoring it or pretending it's not there, you can then work repairing the marriage and building it up even stronger that it was before.